Why You?
Yes, you!
“No one wants to hear my story.”
“My story isn’t that interesting.”
People are often dismissive of their own worth either out of polite humility, modesty, or insecurity. It’s quite reflexive to downplay our own importance.
After all, in everyday life we tend to celebrate humility over hubris.
Still, some people think their story isn’t remarkable enough or interesting enough to warrant sharing or documenting — even for their closest loved ones.
That was my father’s response when I first volunteered to record his first Biographfilm.
I was completely gobsmacked! I thought, do you know who wants to hear about you?? I DO! I want to hear about all sorts of things we have never talked about. Because I want to understand why you do the things you do and why you have done the things you’ve done. I want to learn from your experiences, because half of me is you! Because YOUR story is MY story too! Because… because… because…!
“No one want to hear about me. I’m not some famous person.”
Only “special” people are deserving of a biography.
I get it. We normally think of traditional biographies as books or films about people who have done something remarkable or are otherwise deserving of special attention and notoriety — like world leaders, actors, artists, musicians, inventors — you know, the “special” people.
It’s an understandable misconception. After all, those are the only biographies most of us are familiar with. They’re the ones in book stores, on best seller lists, or on TV or Netflix. They’re written by acclaimed authors like Walter Isaacson (think, Steve Jobs) or David McCullough (who is an esteemed alum of my high school). Or, they’re the subject of biopics on public figures like Joan of Arc or Nelson Mandela.
And, so you’re thinking, Exactly, I’m not one of those people!
And, you’re right. The thing is: you don’t need to be. Not for Biographfilm. Traditional mainstream biographies are completely different from Biographfilm.
Those traditional biographies we are accustomed to seeing have been produced primarily for one reason: TO MAKE MONEY. They are created as content to be sold to the mass public in order to make money! The primary motivation is all about business. They are extremely difficult to write, time-consuming, and (most importantly) very costly. So, unless your story was going to sell millions of copies, tickets, or downloads, no one is going to make it with the intent of selling it to the masses.
Thankfully, Biographfilm isn’t a traditional biography. The purpose of your Biographfilm is not to appeal to millions of people in order to make money. We’re not trying to write the next New York Times bestseller or win any Oscars. We’re not investing years of writing and research and hundreds of thousands of dollars (at a minimum).
The primary motivation for your Biographfilm is personal. It’s intended for a very limited audience. Biographfilm doesn’t need you to be someone “special” or famous in the eyes of the general public (as my dad mistakenly remarked). You just need to be special in the eyes of people who have a personal connection to you. To these people, you are special. More than you might realize or even admit! It’s the handful of people — or even just one person — to whom your Biographfilm means everything. Not only do you deserve to tell your story within a Biographfilm, they deserve to see yours.
MYTH #1
My story isn’t that interesting.
Actually, yes it is. Although, it depends who you ask.
Please allow me to explain.
If you’re asking someone who has no connection to you whatsoever and no interest in your story, then no, your story probably isn’t going to be that interesting to them. If, on the other hand, you ask someone who has a keen interest in your story, then it is.
How can the same story be interesting to one person and not at all interesting to someone else??
Simple. It depends who they are in relation to you — and therefore your story! That’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?
Simply put, your story is interesting to the people who have a connection or relationship with you — like your family and friends. Now, that may also seem obvious to you, but it’s important to understand that the value of your story is a result of your relationships with other people.
Fundamentally, what makes your story interesting is having people who have a vested interest in your story! What makes your story interesting is who you are in relation to them, not the story itself. Case in point, I have a strong interest in my father’s story because he’s my father. He may not think his story is that interesting, but I do. Quite frankly, it almost doesn’t matter whether he thinks his story is interesting at all, because the important thing is that I do. You see, his story isn’t interesting because of him; his story is interesting because of me.
Additionally, your own story may not seem interesting to you because you already know it. It’s interesting to others because they don’t and they want to!
So while you may dismiss the value of your story, simply thinking or saying your story isn’t interesting really isn’t for you to say!
Still, some people commonly question whether their story is interesting enough to deserve the attention. They question whether their story has enough substance.
You also don’t have to live some extraordinary life in order to garner interest from others. This is another remnant of Myth #1 about special or famous people. Those stories are meant to amaze or entertain, because the value of those stories come from its entertainment value.
The value of your story is driven by their connection to you. The strength of their connection to you determines how relevant your story is to them. That relevance is what drives their interest in you and your story. That means your story is
For example, it doesn’t matter to me whether he tells me some dramatic story about playing soccer as a kid as much as knowing that he played soccer in the first place.
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Your story isn’t valuable because it entertains them or the information is itself remarkable; it is valuable because it informs others. It enlightens them. It gives them a greater understanding of who you are.
Your story does not need to be “remarkable” to be of interest. It is of interest because it is relevant.
Your stories are informative.
Even mundane details about your journey are important to them, because they help fill in the blanks about YOU. Your Biographfilm informs, which allows them to feel a closer bond to you. When we tell our stories, we allow others to form an even stronger connection or to establish connections absent previously.
It’s not necessarily the quality of what they know about you itself but rather that they know something about you in the first place. They have a more complete understanding of who you are.
Finding out this or that. Seeing how that is similar or dissimilar is how we create bonds.
Knowing my grandmother’s favorite pizza toppings (sausage and black olives) may be trivial information to others but to me, it helps fill in the blanks about someone I adored. Ordinary or not, that simple tidbit of information is extremely meaningful to me — by helping me better understand her and feel closer to her.
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WHAT YOU’RE REALLY SAYING HERE IS YOU’RE SCARED OF JUDGEMENT
To open yourself is to invite criticism, which can by scary with self-doubt.
I get it: the last thing anyone wants to do is to tell their life story only to have someone else dismiss it or not care. But, let me ask you this: are you doing this for those people? Of course not! Believe me, those people aren’t going to spend the time to watch your Biographfilm anyway. So what if there might be someone out there you know who doesn’t care about your story? You’re not doing any of this for them. You’re doing this for the people who do. Again, don’t worry about those “other people”!
The motivation to tell your story should not be to appeal to millions of people. Your motivation is to appeal to the people closest to you. Biographfilm is primarily for personal use not mass consumption. It’s a different animal altogether.
Let me put it another way: even though your cooking may not be worthy of critical acclaim or a Michelin star, would you refuse to cook to feed your kids? However good or bad, your cooking is what they care about the most! Trust me, they care a lot more about your everyday cooking than Gordon Ramsay’s!
Bottom line: your story is infinitely interesting to certain people.
“The best loved stories are not from books or films, but those from our own families.”
MYTH #2
Myth #3: “No one wants to hear my stories.”
Actually, there are more people than you think. When you look at all the different ways people connect back to you, you can see that there are a vast number of people with varying degrees of interest in you, your details, and your stories.
PROXIMAL RELATIONSHIPS
INTERESTING IS DETERMINED BY PROXIMITY
PROXIMITY —> RELEVANCE —> INTEREST
FUTURE CONNECTIONS
Biographfilm is all about communicating with the future. There are plenty of relationships you don’t even know about yet, because they haven’t even been created!
I get it. People may also simply underestimate the value of their personal history to others, or underestimate the size and scope of their audience, both today and in the future.
False! Many people do. In fact, of the billions of people on the planet, the most important people in your life want to hear your stories. They are the people closest to you. And, isn’t that who matters?
Proximity is the key factor to whether your story is important to others. Proximity equals relevance.
People care about you and your story because of its relevant to them. That what makes it interesting. That’s what makes even the most mundane facts or insights about you interesting.
SUN-ORBIT DIAGRAM
Think about a loved one who has passed away. What would you give to watch their Biographfilm right now (presuming they had made one)? A heck of a lot more than you would to watch any documentary on… any “famous” person. There’s just no comparison between the two. You can’t put a price on a Biographfilm of a loved one. For you, it’s priceless. Because they mean something to you personally.
Likewise, YOUR story is priceless to YOUR family, friends, colleagues, posterity, and more. Your Biographfilm is much more important to your people than any documentary they watch on Netflix or any book they buy from a bookstore. Biographfilm is your way to speak to those who already care about you or have a personal connection.
Your story has enormous value because of the relationship they have with you. It’s personal. It’s just that simple.
Underestimate your audience: Because there are people who want to learn more about you through Biographfilm.
I mention this because YOUR STORY is particularly useful and relevant to a broader range of people than you might think.
Even the most mundane of details aren’t just nostalgic or sentimental to others. They help explain.
The Bogey Story
The obvious example of this group of people are future generations of your family. Your grandkids, great-grandkids, great-great grandnephews twice-removed, whatever…. You’ve never met them, but they will have a very real connection to you. And, your story can be very useful to them. You know, after they’re born.
Beyond just familial connections. We have associations and bonds created by affiliations within groups… professional, spiritual, shared interests.
But, let me give you another less obvious example of people who might care about your story. Maybe it’s fellow school alumni, or fellow spouses of armed service veterans, or fellow backpackers, or fellow abuse survivors or fellow Cleveland Browns fans. You get the idea. There’s a shared bond that makes your experience relevant to others.
People want to learn - use information to their own benefit: what can I learn about myself? what can I learn about how to live better? what can I learn to avoid mistakes/pain?
Proximity of relationships can also be shared in other ways other than familial.
We are connected by specific commonalities, shared interests and associations, whether they be avocations, spirituality, ethnicity, heritage… I could go on and on.
Again, the point is your story may be relevant to a whole host of other people you may not have even considered.
Your story is valuable because it can help instruct others of their own journey. Very few of us are walking truly unique paths that no one else is walking or will walk in the future. Others not only can learn or find reassurance or comfort in your experience, you may provide them information that can directly improve their lives.
Your audience will watch your Biographfilm because they either want to see you again, learn more from you, or both.
When it comes to you, they’re selfish. But in a good way! They want whatever they can get from you. And, believe me, you don’t need any extra sizzle. Whoever wants YOU or YOUR STORY will devour your Biographfilm. To them, your story doesn’t need to be anything but yours.
Why you? That’s why.
The Bogey story.
Family is fractured. They don’t have kids. But, her insight can help explain why the family is fractured. Provides insight.
FALSE NOTION ABOUT STORIES: My stories themselves aren’t that funny or entertaining
Underestimate the value of your stories: Your stories do not need to be entertaining to be of interest.
While we’re at it, I want to address something here too. Some may think their story has to be entertaining in order to warrant documenting. Or, that they need to be funny on camera. But, that simply isn’t true. At its core, your Biographfilm is informational. Any derived entertainment value is simply a bonus; that’s the proverbial “sizzle,” not the steak.
Trust me, if they want to be entertained, they’ll go watch stand-up comedy, turn on a movie, go to a game or the park. You do not need to entertain them or wow them with extraordinary or funny stories in order to be worthy of their attention.
Your story is interesting because it informs others with whom you share a relationship with you about you and your life.
“It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.”
— Squarespace